dC's advice column: V-day, no date
Dear dC,
Today’s the 13th of February. I usually like February but I have to say these last few years have me hating and dreading the first half of this month. I know its not something you would probably no about but I had to turn to someone for advice. dC I still haven’t got a valentine man!!. No date, no significant other, no nothing!, you know –zilch! The whole day is going to be one big red heart popping out of some eye-level placed banner/woodwork/shop/mall/t-shirt and not to mention the pda infected couples. Man, I want to get away from it all!..better still I want to have someone to share the day with L….any advice for a hopeless romantic (but irritable anti v-day activist) like myself?
-dateless from dwarka
Dear dateless,
My good friends Able and Baker had a conversation which reminded me of your little predicament.
Look loser…first off, not having a date for V-day should be just as bad as any other day for you. Don’t let the hilarity of intelligence-challenged men and women all around you overtly ruin your mood. You are a douchebag anyway. With no social life and no significant other, all 365 days in the year should be a hellish drag of low self esteem and diminishing action in the bedroom. Why let one day increase the pain and suffering? Continue on as you were before and just imagine the 14th to be a more severely torturous day in what is anyway a disease you battle on a day-to-day basis.
My advice? Stop thinking about wanting and having someone in your life so much that it takes over your mental processes. The day you wake up and decide to be good at something (in your case it could be attaining garbage-collector of the year or ticket counter guy of the week or something) other than nabbing someone from the opposite sex (without having to enter a monetary exchange); you’ll automatically see a rise in your stock value. This is the problem with men around the world. Women don’t go for the seekers, they go for the nonchalant.
What happens after that is a different story.
Seriously though you idiot, quit being a wimp, grow a pair and quit whining. Put on some insane clown posse and sing along to immature raps on sex, drugs and social outcasts. Better still, put on some muddy waters and drown in the despair of the greatest blues you’ll ever hear. Skip the romantic numbers though, its been known to cause serious desires of inflicting self-indulgent harm in people with your particular problem. Wait, that might not be such a bad idea actually.....
Hope this helps.
-dC
Today’s the 13th of February. I usually like February but I have to say these last few years have me hating and dreading the first half of this month. I know its not something you would probably no about but I had to turn to someone for advice. dC I still haven’t got a valentine man!!. No date, no significant other, no nothing!, you know –zilch! The whole day is going to be one big red heart popping out of some eye-level placed banner/woodwork/shop/mall/t-shirt and not to mention the pda infected couples. Man, I want to get away from it all!..better still I want to have someone to share the day with L….any advice for a hopeless romantic (but irritable anti v-day activist) like myself?
-dateless from dwarka
Dear dateless,
My good friends Able and Baker had a conversation which reminded me of your little predicament.
Look loser…first off, not having a date for V-day should be just as bad as any other day for you. Don’t let the hilarity of intelligence-challenged men and women all around you overtly ruin your mood. You are a douchebag anyway. With no social life and no significant other, all 365 days in the year should be a hellish drag of low self esteem and diminishing action in the bedroom. Why let one day increase the pain and suffering? Continue on as you were before and just imagine the 14th to be a more severely torturous day in what is anyway a disease you battle on a day-to-day basis.
My advice? Stop thinking about wanting and having someone in your life so much that it takes over your mental processes. The day you wake up and decide to be good at something (in your case it could be attaining garbage-collector of the year or ticket counter guy of the week or something) other than nabbing someone from the opposite sex (without having to enter a monetary exchange); you’ll automatically see a rise in your stock value. This is the problem with men around the world. Women don’t go for the seekers, they go for the nonchalant.
What happens after that is a different story.
Seriously though you idiot, quit being a wimp, grow a pair and quit whining. Put on some insane clown posse and sing along to immature raps on sex, drugs and social outcasts. Better still, put on some muddy waters and drown in the despair of the greatest blues you’ll ever hear. Skip the romantic numbers though, its been known to cause serious desires of inflicting self-indulgent harm in people with your particular problem. Wait, that might not be such a bad idea actually.....
Hope this helps.
-dC
I see frz decided to write to u...
Posted by
KVA |
11:24 AM, February 13, 2007
seriously, what is it with ppl being depressed abt this whole no-valentine crap? i had a 17 yr old sobbing all over me abt it! kids these days...
oh, also....douchebag....hehehe...looove it
Posted by
Namrata |
8:32 PM, February 13, 2007