Van Chitgo - The Art of Life

i wonder if she knows how much i love her. I have decided to stand. decided to stand up. decided to plunge head forth. sneha writes well....I can hear her talk sometimes when I read her blog. on the contrary, my heart aches when i read pani's blog. it really is her personal diary and i wish now not to visit it, purely because those are deep thoughts....not worthy of my superficial mid-day sneak peaks.....
the coming 2 months will be a combination of probably the best and toughest moments of my life. i realize ive worked and received...sometimes worked more than ive received , sometimes deserved more than i worked...but i wonder who's judging. does god have a checklist? or a test-sheet? i wonder how i'll be marked.
i still ponder on where life will take me. so much to do...seemingly such little time. my brain and my heart together, still fight the 'norm', but the bastards switch sides every once in a while....it confuses me. confusion. i always thought i was pretty clear headed..this country gives you way too much space and privacy. i had none of those in india-ironic considering half the west goes there to attain nirvana and piece of mind:)...they obviously never visited bombay. i love bombay. everytime i think of bombay i feel like im away from my mistress....she's the goddess of sin and the queen of imperfection. my hair is long now. very long. i was told i was looking like a hippie by some1 a few days ago. i was asconsed and overjoyed all at the same time. the haircut will come soon...after all appearances matter right ? right.
skype rocks....but nothing beats the ability to just pick up the phone to hear a loved ones voice. for the first time in my life, i shall be an underdog. i dont know what thats like but i am going to enjoy it...thoroughly. i like it when jaws drop...ive caused a lot of jaw dropping in the past 2 years....i wonder if im going soft. I miss my guitar.
christmas is lovely. i cant wait for my mom and dad to get here. theres something about parenthood. they are going to travel a thousand miles to a beautfiful country and all my mom can think of is feeding me. All my dad can think of is sharing a drink and talking to me. amazing. i wonder if giving life makes you selfless. i spoke to vasu today. the gang still plays cricket in the samachar apartments garage on sundays. i dont know why that was the nicest thing to have heard out of the entire conversation. people change, people move on, the landscape- in all its solidarity keeps shifting and moulding, but generations of young and old come and play 4 hours of an insane indian game every sunday....i miss that. i used to bowl well, and my batting wasnt too bad either. gautam is too busy with his work ive heard. kapil is bitching about how i dont mail...such a liar. this is an addictive style of writing. its a saving grace for all the structure that surrounds us. its 6:30 in the evening as i write this. ive just finished cooking some pasta with meatballs. i think i put too much garlic. i love garlic. i just realized ...in 8 days itll be 2006. i was born in 1983. 22 years and 47 days since i arrived. i graduated school in 2001, graduated high school in 2004. man. pardon the cliche but, time flies.

Posted by chitgo on Friday, December 23, 2005 at 12/23/2005 11:11:00 PM | Permalink